Letters - Vol. 1

 Dear Mr. Wuss in the Old Pickup,

While I can understand your trepidation regarding travel, considering the huge load of snow that was dropped on us in the past few days, I am baffled by your decision to drive only 8 miles per hour. Taking into account the condition of your vehicle and the fact that you must be unable to afford a 99-cent ice scraper to remove even a 2-inch window for seeing the road, I felt pity for you. I can only assume that you are working 7 jobs and have no time to spare on such frivolous things like ice removal. Hence your truckbed full of snow, which conveniently blew out, how lucky for you. My windshield wipers felt otherwise.

Perhaps also you cannot afford good tires and fear slipping off the road, like the numerous cars dotting the plowed landscape. Understandable. I commend you for not wanting to end up facing the wrong way on a giant heap of brown, chunky salt-snow. I am also familiar with the concept of “safety in numbers,” so the fact that you and a buddy were driving in tandem, taking up two lanes and going the exact same speed, made perfect sense. The fact that there wasn’t a car within 54 square miles ahead of you was amusing, yes. The 970 cars behind you may have felt differently, who knows.

All I am asking is that if you and your vehicle cannot go faster than single digits, perhaps you would be better off taking public transportation. Or getting out of the damn passing lane. Your call.

From,

The person who couldn’t help but tailgate, seeing as you were only going 8 mph.

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